Wednesday, September 27, 2006

i'm baaaaaAAAAck. .

so i finally made it back to montrose colorado - too bad my camera plug-in thing didn't make it back. so i'll have to post my pictures and talk about the trip when my folks mail the plug-in thing to me.

but one thing we did after yellowstone was go to a BYU football game on saturday. it was sooo awesome and super fun. it was the longest i've ever been apart from my kids - except working during the nites of course. but the longest i've been apart from them during the day. my sis asked if i missed the boys and my response: "no." is that mean, bad of me? i don't know. but really i was only gone from them for like 6 hours. i did think about them a whole lot - like when we saw toddlers in front of us wanting to leave the game and kicking their moms, and when the little baby behind us kept crying out. so, ummm, no i didn't miss them that much! i still LOVE them and all that good and gooey stuff, but it was a good break for me - and ben, too, i think.

it brought back a whole slew of memories. they were all good memories, but made me sad. why? i'm not sure. it's just sad that that part of my life is over - it really was one of my favorite parts of my life thus far.

at the game i was reminded of my freshman year - when i attended lots of football games. i remember you, Rebecca, working at the games with your bright orange jacket - right? i think that was you! you'd have to stay after the games and clean up and all that fun stuff. but you also got to go to the games for free - if i remember correctly.

we sat about 10 rows behind the band and so i thought a lot about my first byu roommie - debs. i remember all the practices you had to go to and how much you really did LOVE byu. i still hope you have good memories of your years there.

on the way back home ben and i were talking about byu - who were all my roommates, etc. it was hard trying to remember when - not who - people lived with me. crazy. but i had such good times there.

i miss waking up early (like 5am) to go to the gym and then come back and get ready for my classes. i really, really, really loved being a student. i really, really, really miss it. i don't think i'd like to do it full-time again, but just to be on campus and to learn and study - ooooohhh, that sounds so nice. i feel like i was so productive with my days back then. this whole stay-at-home thing is harder than what i was prepared for. it sounded, ummmm, more glamorous in YW! :) i absolutely love being a mom - but even a job you love gets hard after 24-7, nites, weekends, holidays, and vacations.

i guess somedays i just wish and yearn for those more selfish days - when i lived for myself. but, really, i guess there is no point in that. i worked with this one gal back in GJ who never had any kids and i felt really awful for her - she had NO ONE. and i'd much rather have snotty, stinking, no-saying, sleepfull night-wrecking, crying, demanding, trying boys than no one - ANYDAY.

so what does this all boil down to? just that after 10 months i really, really, really, really wish i could count on jonas to sleep through the nite - or even to 5am. that's all. i'm just getting tired and cranky. . .


erin said...

this type of blog certainly doesn't up the chances of jonas and miles getting cousins any time soon. i appreciate the honesty though. and yes, even though i have chucklas now, i still feel like i'm in a very selfish time and i loves it! i know you love your kids and i'm hoping i'll love mine, but dang--it's a good life right now!

Kristen said...

So you actually learned in nursing school? Just kidding. All I learned about was IBS....if you know what I'm talking about. SO sounds like a fun trips. I ALWAYS miss the times at BYU, especially when football season comes around. THose were great times. Man...I'm missing it right now! Anyway, I guess we should just be lucky that we got to go through all the experiences and fun at BYU.....

Niederfam said...

I hear you!! There is definatley something to be said for living in a "selfish" state. Don't worry we'll get another chance, and it does make you appreciate the 6 hour breaks a little more than you would have before....:)